Dear Blog,

I have missed you.
I have a confession - for weeks I have been off track and I don't know why. I'm starting college next week, I started a new job yesterday and I struggle to even find time to spend with my boyfriend. How, dear blog, will I find the time for WeightWatchers? How do I plan my meals, when to exercise, when to eat... Please give me some insight on how to make it all possible.

Since we last spoke, 3.5lb of fat has attached itself to my ass.

It is hard to be *motivated* I need that little *click* you get when you decide enough is enough!

Or maybe I just need to get on with it.

I can't help but feel so overwhelmed by everything - It's a massive change in my life within the next few weeks and well, I would like to change with it.

Blog, expect to see more of me soon, expect to see me make some recipes - for the love of god expect to see a weight loss, a weight maintain and a f***ing trip to the gym!

Love, Helen

xoxo

I have a Confession

I didn't weigh in,

I, Helen, talked myself out of going and had multiple excuses to not go.

I don't know why, because I never miss a meeting, unless I'm sick or on holiday (and lets face it, when your on holiday W.W. is at the back of your mind)

I instead, went shopping. Yep thats right, I went shopping for a new outfit to wear to my friends birthday party on Saturday - I'm ashamed of me too.
However on the plus side, I did get a lovely new top, in a smaller size :) My mind told me to go for the smaller size (that did fit nicely) because if I were to pick the *normal size* I will adapt to an attitude were *fat* mind will tell me I need to *fill* my clothes out because look at allllllllll that room!
Plus I think it's a nice little mind trick!

I'm still working on my list atm, I'll be posting that soon, it's a short little post today because it's bedtime, I'm tired and I felt the need to update quickly (rather than never)

Until next time... :)

Tomorrow is a new day..

Yes it is.
Want to know why? Because it's okay to fall down and to pick yourself back up again, no matter how many minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years it may take, but as long as you do it, but only when you are ready. I'm obviously referring this to my Weight Watchers experience, I have learnt that if your not with it, you won't be committed and until you are fully committed, you won't successfully lose weight and adapt to a healthier lifestyle.

I've been struggling a lot, I've been debating whether or not I am committed, but then I remember my #1 Key note: I did not gain weight over night, it happened over *years* and its silly for me to think that I can just wake up one morning and *expect* myself to adapt to a healthier lifestyle in one day. I remember my leader once telling me that if you commit to cutting out a bad habit for at least 21 days, then you will crave it less and will be able to live without it.

And to help myself *commit* more I've came up with a little idea.

I found a little Size cap that you find on the hook of the hanger, mine being a Size 16 and I have attached to a little ribbon chain and I've added it to my key chain. So every time I look through my bag or open up my front door, I will see it and *think* about how horrible and awful I do feel at this unhealthy size. And who knows, maybe every time I see it and think 'oh I'll just have this extra biscuit, or order that Chinese,' I will think twice about it :)

(Sorry its not the best Photography, batteries on my camera where about to die so therefore the focus was a bitch)

Or looking at 'fat photos' constantly might do the trick ;)

Probaly around my highest 207lb

Hmm, maybe around 196-200lb

Around the 190'ishlb

Around the 180lbs

I'm going to go start a 'Why I want to lose weight and adapt to a healthier lifestyle' list and perhaps set some goals, before bed time!

I'm on a binge..

..and it's impossible to control.

I haven't been eating properly and when I do eat *I* choose to eat, crap!

I've been off track since Wednesday, here is a little taster in what I have actually ate 'binge-wise'

• Cheese and Ham Paninis x 2
• Cheese and Steak Toasties x 2
• Standard packet of crisps x 12 (a mixture of low fat and full fat crisps)
  
• Chocolate biscuits x 10
• 1 sharing size bar of chocolate
• 1 Glass of Coca Cola
• 1 sharing size packet of crisps at least 2/3 of the bag, they're also full fat
• Chinese buffet - I ate one plate (Fried rice, Chicken balls, Chips, Sweet and Sour sauce, Onion Rings, I didn't eat everything but I did go back for another plate, and that's when I realised that I was full after a mouthful and I could never eat again)
  

But I did eat again, in fact later that night I ate the massive sized bar of chocolate and crisps, and a ham sandwich. I cannot pinpoint why I'm eating so much junk, all I know is that I'm kinda lost and I do what I do when I'm feeling low, angry, frustrated etc. I eat and I eat to mask my problems and I'm not sure how or if I will ever overcome it.

Weekly Wednesday Meeting - Carbohydrates

Throughout the years there has been a million 'diets' in this, ‘I want to be healthy I need to lose weight but I have no idea how so I’m going to follow a fad diet’ world that have eliminated carbohydrates or portrayed them as a bad food group, for example the Atkins diet. It made people believe that carbohydrates were making them fat, and that they should eliminate them, depriving people from an nutrient that can actually help lose weight. In doing so every fad-diet supporter out there wanting to lose the pounds have been following these unhealthy diets that are severely lacking in nutrient, and may have caused more damage to their bodies.

I should know this, I myself have had a love/hate relationship with carbohydrates, I eat less of the good for you carbs and favour the bad for you carbs instead, which you will know from reading this post http://dontlookinmyfridge.blogspot.com/2010/07/i-think-ive-just-found-carb-land.html
Something I’ve always remembered from Home Economic classes in school was that Carbohydrates, should be part of your daily diet, I remember learning the Food Pyramid, and I’ve always remembered that carbohydrates was at the end of the pyramid taking up the most ‘space.’

Image from Wikipedia

Why are Carbohydrates important? (This what I’ve learnt from Weight Watchers regarding Wednesday meeting, which I also found very informative)

They are important because your body will process them into glucose, an excellent source of energy, that can be processed throughout the day, most likely making you feel less tired and irritated, provided you are eating the good carbs however like all food groups they should be enjoyed in moderation.
It is up to me, as a newly healthy-lifestyle seeker to make the right choices. That means choosing wholegrain bread products over white bread products, fruit over cake or donuts, potatoes (cooked in a variety of healthy ways) than the likes of oven chips, brown rice over white rice... you get the idea.

However it will be hard, as I’ve confessed before I have a love/hate relationship with carbs, meaning I enjoy all the bad for you carbs, especially bread and different variety of breads but I hate the effect that bad carb overload can have on me, constant bloating, tired, groggy etc. And I will admit it wasn’t until Wednesdays meeting were I’ve actually sat and thought about the carbohydrates that I consume and the effects that have been having on me.

I befriended bread a long time ago, I've also had bread every day, most days at least twice, I’ve had bread for breakfast (toast) bread for lunch (sandwiches) and even bread with my dinner ('to fill me up' my dinners back then were strictly chips and chicken nuggets or chips and fish fingers, yep seriously) but obviously being the overweight girl that I am, it has always been white, refined, lacking valuable nutrients bread. Bread is my lover, white bread, baps, crusty bread, scones, English muffins, you get the picture, and it dominates my diet. In fact this will prove how much so, a friend from school, said to me a few years ago, ‘I remember when you came to my house and you stayed for dinner, and you must've had about 4 slices of bread with your dinner.’ That has always stuck with me the sheer embarrassment of my own eating problem.

Image from Google

When I joined Weight Watchers back in February I was always afraid that I'd have to give these all up, I’d rather give up the fizzy drinks (another past love) but since Wednesdays meeting I’m thinking, why should I love these carbohydrates any more? What are they doing for me? Nothing, other than the enjoying the taste, admittedly, they leave me feeling *worse.*

So I listened to my leaders advice about good carbohydrates, she stated that the goodies can *be a dieters best friend* by pointing out that the majority of these good carbohydrates are the ones that we will find within our packs that are highlighted as *filling foods.* She also suggested we should eat a good carbohydrate at every meal, to get the benefits, and also to fill us up, so we will eat *less.*

So I think I am sold, I will admit I’m a bit apprehensive about eating wholegrain bread products, I’m not satisfied with the taste, but I WILL try. In result of my willingness to try I am going to set myself some goals for the week ahead.

On this week’s agenda:

• · Switch from white bread products to wholegrain ones instead, with bread however will test Kingsmill 50/50 bread, which has the nutrients of brown bread but the taste of white.
• · Eat a good carbohydrate at every meal.
• · Listen to my body, the good thing with filling foods is that they make you full, quicker, so I will stop eating when I am *satisfied*
• · Pick fruit over a bad carbohydrate snack i.e. craving something sweet, so I go to the biscuit/cake jar, fruit instead!!
• · When at the supermarket look out for some new finds to replace the bad.
• · Explore some new recipes.

Helen xoxo

It's a 50 50 day

You win some, you lose some. - That definitely how my day is shaping up to be.

I woke up early today, having only around 4-5 hours sleep; I was pleasantly surprised that my mood wasn’t awful. Instead I felt optimistic. Even the lack of warm water while getting washed didn’t faze me. Although I was running a bit late (it wouldn’t be like me to be early) and I decided to grab a taxi (public transport) to my meeting today.
I will admit this has become more of routine now, I use to walk it to my meetings then walk it home, but instead I’ve been getting taxi’s down and then visiting my boyfriend as he’s free all day today and lives close by to my meetings.
Normally when I grab a taxi and it is early in the day, there would be at least 3 lined up, ready to take you to your destination. However today, there was none, today’s weather decided to be a prick; a ’light shower’ (you know the one that ‘soaks you through’ thanks Ireland!) Instead of wasting 5-10 minutes waiting on one to pull up, I decided to walk it down, with my i-pod in and non-walking shoes, but the fact that I decided to *change* my routine was a WIN!
The walk was great, it was lovely and refreshing to clear my head, think about my weight watchers journey and to think about the things I have to change *forever* in order to *succeed.* Plus the rain had disappeared quite quickly and I didn’t get too wet, another wee WIN!

Within 20 mintues, I had arrived to my meeting just in time, the meeting part had just started and I had missed the first set of weigh-ins but that was okay, I didn’t mind having to wait behind after class. Today we talked about carbohydrates, and how they can actually be a dieters best friend, as long as they’re the *healthy* good for you versions. (Coming in another post)
After class I weighted in and I wasn’t shocked to see that I had put weight on, I’d put on 1lb this week, I considered this a LOSE! (I was contemplating calling this a fail, but it’s not its part of my journey! Reinforced positive thinking for ya’ll.) By the time I’d left my meeting I was hungry and tiredness was kicking in. I ran some errands, and did the things that I had to do today, returned to my boyfriend’s house and lied down for a while, as he geeked. (Oh Modern Warfare 2 how I hate thee for turning my boyfriend into a psychopath.)

Now normally when I’ve not had much sleep, I either a) don’t eat much b) eat badly 3) need some form of caffeine fix. I was a member of each group today, I went to the supermarket and walked straight pass the fruit section, and picked up some ‘unhealthy’ snacks and a bottle of Lucozade, strange choice (it’s a glucose fizzy drink, full of sugar, I should know better!) However after I ate and drank, I was surprisingly stuffed (I think it was the fizzy drink playing tricks with my stomach)

Later in the afternoon the boyfriend’s mother was making dinner (chilli, I’m fussy so it and I don’t go) and offered to make me a cheese and ham toasty, which I couldn’t even finish.

I think it’s one of those days where I’m eating, for the sake of eating, I don’t think I’ll be eating much for the rest of this evening, instead just chugging a lot of water (yay WIN a bit of healthiness)

Has you can imagine I am quite tired now,so I suspect this post isn't that great,so my apologies, I hope everyone is having a great day today!

Until later
Helen.xo
P.S. Hmm think, I will go the supermarket later on and buy some bits of fruit to snack on for the rest of the week... WIN

I think I've just found Carb-land

For the past hour I have been debating whether or not to update my ‘Journal’ and show the world what I ate today.... It’s not pretty; it’s seriously carb-o-riffic!

But I *promised* to myself to take this blog seriously, and I don’t break my promises.

I woke up today as you know, feeling pretty crappy... queue ‘comfort food.’
I searched the cupboard, and came across my first eat of the day... Weight Watchers Nan Bread, I’ve never tried it before so thought, why not, it’s only Weight Watcher bread, what’s the harm?

(1.5 points each)

Well, Jesus I unleashed a monster, I drank some water while I ate standing up at the Kitchen counter reading some magazines, it filled me over for a while, until my stomach started rumbling. My brain gives me away to my stomach... Brain: ‘Psssst Helen has not had any breakfast, take advantage’

So it did, queue the next eat of the day... a Fish Finger sandwich, I never craved it until I was searching the freezer (the fridge was empty and there was bread in the cupboard)

And now the worse eat of the day... I live at home so basically when it is a day away from grocery shopping day, we eat whatever there is to survive. Normally I would buy my own foods to eat but to be honest, I’m uberly skint right now I can’t even afford food (Sad but true fact) plus I was in ‘comfort-zone’

I ate around 4 slices of garlic bread and around two handful of some oven chips..

Now that I’m about to press ‘publish’ I feel like I’ve let myself down. For the past few days I have been stalking following, healthy-eating and Weight Watcher blogs, taking *inspiration* from everyone and wishing that it was me, eating well and exercising, but most importantly, *enjoying* it, wanting to get on my walking shoes and go out walking or go the gym (my worst nightmare)
I feel like a failure today and it’s really not doing anything for my mood. I know I’m at a setback point in my Weight Watcher journey, but I’m afraid I get too comfortable in this zone.

However I will not cry about this, I will wake up tomorrow and I will do something different to change it, because well, I’m the only one who possesses the power to do so. NO MORE EXCUSES.

I will let you know how I do tomorrow, wish me luck that I have a better day..

Oh crap, I just remembered its Weigh-In day as well...

Thanks for reading...

Helen.xo

Stuck In A Rut

I woke up today feeling tired, lousy, unmotivated and well, a little bit sad.

I’ve been feeling like this for a while, and this is the first I’ve actually admitted it. I’ve felt like this since May and well to be honest I’m stuck in a rut, literally.

My weight has gone up and down since May, and some weeks I’ve stuffed my face and most weeks it never showed on the scales (minus a no weight gain or a 0.5lb weight gain.) That was until about three weeks ago. That’s when I had my biggest weight gain, *3lb* now I know 3lb doesn’t sound much, but to me it triggered a little signal in my head saying “you have to do something now, otherwise this will just be the start of piling the weight back on.” I panicked, I went to my local supermarket after the meeting and I stocked up on fruit (grapes, apples, watermelon) vegetables (I hate vegetables but I had to try so I bought things that I thought I might like; baby corn, asparagus, soup mix (the Zero Point kind)) some meat (steak, gammon), low fat crisp’s (Kings Velvet Crunch) and some low fat treats and snacks (Sugar free Jelly, low pointed biscuits etc.) And that week, after weeks of not trying, I got back on track, I tracked everything I ate, even if I did go over the points, I still wrote it down, I didn’t exercise (in fact since I began Weight Watchers in February, I’m yet to get into an exercise plan, something I am not proud of) and I made myself meals, I made up the soup mix and well generally just *tried.*

That week when I weighted in (Wednesday morning) I lost *6.5lb!!* I couldn’t believe it, however it’s not the first time I’ve lost that much in one week, but still *YAY Helen* (I wanted a medal J) So I had a great meeting, I left feeling happy, proud and well motivated, for the first time in ages.

Then Friday came, I woke up and immediately had to go the bathroom, in fact I spend about 2-3 days living in the bathroom, I had caught a stomach bug, had no appetite for days and well, when I did eat, I couldn’t go to the bathroom. Come weigh in day I had only lost 0.5lb, to be honest I didn’t mind too much because not eating wasn’t healthy and I wouldn’t have like to see another big weight loss.

That was last week, this week I’ve wanted comfort food, I am officially backed in my rut and I’ve been thinking about my thoughts and feelings towards the Weight Watchers programme.

It’s a great programme; in fact it’s taught me a lot about nutrients, the benefits of exercise and maintaining weight loss. However if your heads not in the game, you I can’t expect Weight Watchers to work, Weight Watchers provides me with the support, the knowledge and the tools to succeed, but I cannot succeed without the motivation or more importantly the will power.
I’ve been thinking a lot today, about my feelings and why I feel like this and I know (well its common sense, but that’s something I lack) that it is MY fault, only I can actually do something about it. For the last few weeks I’ve been asking my boyfriend to encourage me, but there’s only so much he can do and say to help me, and while weight loss does not have to a lonely journey, it is a very personal one.